The Malfoy Diaries
by JailyForever
Summary: A series of diary entries written by various member of the Malfoy family relating to certain events. Fair warning: some may get a bit X rated, hence the M rating. This is NOT intended to be canon compliant
1. The Porno Records

**Written and posted with very little persuasion needed from Liza (NeonDomino)**

 **Word Count:** 550

* * *

The Porno Records

Dear Diary,

I… I'm a little bit lost for words right now. Not like me I know, but you see, I can't get over what I have just discovered.

 _My father wrote a porno!_

I am scarred for life!

Just wait until my father hears about this! Dammit, he wrote the darn thing; I can't exactly go up to him and say: "Father, I watched a porno today. And the credits at the end listed you as the author. I thought you said all things Muggle were repulsive." That is _not_ a conversation I want to have with him. Even if it wasn't embarrassing enough to converse with him on such a matter, he would want to know _why_ I was watching it especially since it wasn't your every day run of the mill thing… what I mean is: it was… it was gay porn, okay.

 _My father wrote a gay porno! *shudder*_ and it was so hot!

I suppose _you're_ wondering why I would be watching it too. One word: Potter. It would seem that all these _feelings_ I have been having are more than just a phase… the less said about that, the better.

I think… I think I'm going to take a cold shower and wipe the last hour from my memory.

Until next time,

Draco

~o~o~o~

Dear Diary,

I heard some rather raucous sounds emitting from Draco's room earlier. Needless to say I went to investigate and found my son bashing one out to a pornographic film... my pornographic film.

I am most displeased about this; I was assured that all copies of this foolish, youthful endeavour of mine had been destroyed.

All I can say is, thank goodness for Polyjuice Potion and that I had the good sense to use it - me starring and writing a porno would have been very difficult to explain. This is going to be an awkward enough conversation as it is... if Draco does approach me about it. I hope he doesn't.

That, however, was not the worst thing. As I moved away from the door, I heard him moan the Potter brat's name.

I must put a stop to this immediately.

Lucius out!

~o~o~o~

Dear Diary,

Holy, what in the name of Merlin was happening at dinner this evening?

Draco couldn't even look at his father for the entire meal. And Lucius, well he's always been a bit standoffish but this evening, he was less cold and more distant than usual.

I fear what will happen if I broach the subject with them.

It will probably blow over, right? Yes, of course it will.

Well, whilst Lucius is in his study, I'm going to enjoy one of those Muggle videos he hates so much which I found in Draco's room earlier.

It looks quite interesting.

Cissy x

~o~o~o~

Dear Diary,

The next time I think it is a good idea to watch something unknown, remind me not to.

I turned it on and the next thing I know, two guys are banging in front of me. Thankfully, I managed to get it turned off before Lucius came to bed… who knows how he would have reacted.

I need to bleach my eyes now.

Remind me to ground Draco for watching, or at least possessing, such complete and utter filth.

Cissy x


	2. The Apple Incident

**Event:** Scavenger Hunt

 **Writing Club:** Eat a red apple day - Write about Drapple

 **Word Count:** 502

* * *

The Apple Incident

Dear Diary,

Today has been a tale of two halves. A tale of happiness and then misery.

I think it is best if I start from the beginning when I found the love of my life. No, before you say anything, it is NOT Potter or Granger or anyone else I go to school with… yes, not even Parkinson, the besotted girl who worships the ground I walk on. In fact, my love is not even human.

Yes, that's right, the one I adore is… an apple. But, it is not just any apple. It is the reddest, most perfectly shaped apple you could ever hope to find… and it looks so juicy. I thought to myself, "if I wasn't so besotted by you my lovely apple, I would savour every last bite."

We spent such a glorious day together. I took apple to all of my favourite places, and we danced at the centre of the maze in the grounds. We even shared the most wonderful and intense kiss of my life. I have never cheshired anyone or anything as much as I cherish apple. I took apple to the great oak tree at the far end of our grounds, and I engraved our initials on it inside a love heart: D.M + A _forever_.

We returned to the house for dinner and I kept a firm but gentle grasp on apple.

AND THEN THE WORST THING EVER HAPPENED!

My father came into the kitchen and took the apple straight out of my caring, gentle hands and took a bite. How could he do this to me? I am so distraught!

My love was eaten by my father!

If I wasn't so completely and utterly heartbroken right now, I would be cursing him into the next century.

And do you want to know what he said when he threw the core into the bin? He said: "Thanks, Draco. That was one delicious apple." before he walked away to carry on with business as usual.

I waited until he was out of hearing range and then reached into the bin. I pulled my love from where it had been so carelessly discarded and cradled it in my hands.

I am planning on having the most beautiful service for my beloved apple. Apple may be gone, but it will not be forgotten.

I vow now that I will never eat or touch another apple again in my life. It would be too much of a betrayal.

I will never forget our wonderful, albeit short, time together. My apple, my dear, lovely apple. I will love you… always.

I am so glad that I have you to talk to, diary. I could never talk to mother or father about such matters… they wouldn't understand. They would think I am crazy and have me committed to St Mungo's.

Well, I'd best be off. I have a funeral to plan for my one, true love, and I have to make sure the service is perfect.

Draco


End file.
